Welcome to The Family Series IX - Living the Grown Up Life

Living The Grown Up Life
Eph. 4:17-23

Proud of My Kids!
I have to tell you this morning that I am incredibly proud of how our kids turned out.  
I don’t talk about our kids often and would certainly never brag about them in front of them, but I have to tell you that there is nothing more satisfying for a parent than to see their kids become responsible adults living productive lives. 
Our son is a police officer, and our daughter is a social worker.
These each have their own families, in their own homes, and raising children.  Our youngest is a young woman in a career as a medical lab tech, singlehandedly paying down her own mortgage.
It brings a tear to my eye, and makes my heart happy. 
I realize that many things could have derailed this, and no doubt there were rough patches along the way, and I am sure a few more bumps will be up ahead, but what makes the heart of any parent swell is when a child grows up well.
In many ways that is Paul’s dream for his Ephesian family.  Up until this point his main concern had been with everyone getting along, making room, moving over and allowing newcomers at the kitchen table.
Starting with today’s passage in Eph. 4:17, there is a definite shift of winds.  
Living Worthy of the Calling
In fact, if you have a NIV Bible, then you will notice two headers in Eph. 4.   The first section is called Living in the Body of Christ and the second section starting is Living as Children of Light.
If living in the body of Christ is all about getting along, then living as children of light is all about living as responsible, mature children of God who live up the name they now bear.
 
Speaking of living in the family of God, let me reach way back to Eph. 4:1 where Paul says:  “I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.”
This is all about living up to the calling they now have as children in the family of God.  
In other words, they now carry God’s last name and thus needed to reflect his name by getting along, which was Paul’s point in that first section when he said, “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit.” (Eph. 4:3).
So, up until this point in his letter, that has been his main focus. 
Having made his point, Paul now focuses on his second thought, namely that they would mature into responsible adult children who reflect well in their actions and deeds the name they bear.
“I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.” Eph. 4:1
Living worthy of the calling we have received as children of our Heavenly Father means not only getting along with each other, but also each one of us becoming more and more like our Father in action and deeds. 
Take a look back at Eph. 4:13 where Paul takes about how the family of God is “built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.”
Notice the double themes of getting along and then growing up when he talks about “reach(ing) unity in the faith” and “becom(ing) mature”!  
Life of Purity
That’s what Paul has in mind when he talks about a life worthy of the calling. 
Up until this point it was about unity and getting along, and now it’s about reflecting his nature and character as we mature.  This is a definite shift of emphasis:
 
“Having urged the Christians to cultivate unity, he now urges them to cultivate purity.  In shifting the topic, Paul also shifts his focus. In discussing unity, his focus was on the Christian community. In discussing purity, his focus will be on the Christian individual”    Richard Peace
With purity, the focus shifts away from community and toward the individual.
You see, while unity happens within the community, purity and maturity happens within the individual. 
Becoming mature is what our heavenly Father wants from us. 
This is the equivalent to us taking great satisfaction in seeing our kids grow up to be responsible, well-adjusted individuals who are making a positive contribution to society.
Way back when God first spotted us long before the creation of the world that’s what he had in mind:  “He chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless.”
He wanted us someday to be holy and blameless. 
Just like we know what that looks like for our kids so our Father knows exactly what that it looks like to him, which Paul then unwraps in this passage:
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.
29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Wow, talk about bringing it into everyday life!  In fact, Paul spills over into the next chapter:
1 Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. 4 Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.
This is what it means to honor the name we now bear by living up to his dream for us.
I want my son to live a certain way, and also my daughters to live a certain way.  God wants the same from us.  
For me it has less to do with success or standing and more about character and lifestyle.  It matters less to me that my kids make more money than me, or achieve a level of material success, than it does that they have a solid character and promote justice and righteousness in society.
The same is true of our heavenly father.   When we speak of His destiny for us, it has less to do with what we have achieved, than it does with what we have become and the character of our heart!
Nothing in Paul’s list includes accomplishments.   What does it matter what buildings you have built, what organizations you have supported and what deeds you have accomplished, when your heart is barren and you don’t reflect the gentle character of Jesus in your everyday dealings.
So back to what Paul laid out in terms of right living.  So let me ask you:
 

• Have you put off falsehood and speak truthfully?
• Have you let the sun go down on your anger? 
• If you are able to, are you working in a way that you can help others? 
• Are you greedy and hungry for money and fame?
• Are you building others up with what you say? 
• Have you gotten rid of bitterness, rage and anger? 
• Are you kind, compassionate and forgiving?
• Are you walking in the way of love? 
• No hint of sexual immorality, obscene and foolish talk and coarse joking?

None of this has anything to do with what we have done but all of it has to do with who we have become.   It’s not our deeds and accomplishments but our character that matters most!
Paul sets this up in a way that we don’t have much choice in the matter, or any excuses, when we stand before our Lord.
“So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do.”   Eph. 4:17
Paul insists on this, did you notice that?  And if he does, should not we as well? 
Should we not call out bad behavior?  Should we not draw lines in the sand and say you can’t get away with this here?
We will not tolerate lying, gossip, nor an angry and mean spirit. 
Unforgiveness is not an option here and neither is bitterness and rage.  Bullying is not allowed. 
Sexuality immorality, as any sexual activity outside of marriage, is not what we want to see.
None of this reflects the Father whose name you now bear.  In fact, Paul calls these practices living as the Gentiles do which is like saying that is how we lived before we came into the family of God.
The Gentile family lies, tears down, bullies and rages.  The Gentile family does not forgive nor forget, is foulmouthed and treats sex as a casual recreational activity.
 
The family of God on the other hand is kind, compassionate, forgiving and walks in the way of love.
Right Thinking, Right Living!
Lest you think that this is impossible, that there is no way that I can live this way, Paul outlines step by step how we can come to this place of holiness, purity and love.
It isn’t just an impossible demand from a harsh taskmaster of a father but provision is made for everyone of us to live up to the name we now bear.
Notice the connection between living and thinking in Eph. 4:17 “You must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking.”
This is hugely important and is in fact the key to this entire section!
Paul links living with thinking, both negatively within the Gentile family, and positively within our own family. 
Living and thinking do go hand in hand.  The way we think is the number one influencer on the way we live.  You think right, and you will live right.  
Lyman Coleman wrote: “Paul emphasizes the connection between thought and behavior.  He hammers home his point that Gentiles live as they do because their thinking is a mess.  Right thinking does matter if a person is get on with right living.”
Clearly there is a connection between right thinking and living.
It would be totally unfair if we were to tell people to live a certain way, without pointing out right living as the result of right thinking.
In fact, even telling people to think right without outlining how to think right is also unfair.
Right Heart Condition
It’s never enough to tell someone to think right unless you outline how that is done which is exactly what Paul does in the next verse:
 
“They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts.”    Eph. 4:18
Let’s unwrap this a little.  Notice first of all, that those in the Gentile family are “separated from the life of God.”  That is how they live their lives and with predictable outcomes. 
Then notice the connection between living that way and their thinking: “They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God.”
So again, the connection is clear between the way you live your life and the thoughts you think.   Nothing new here; it’s the same as in the previous verse.
What’s new is the connection between living your life because you think a certain way, and what goes on in your heart:
“They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts.”    Eph. 4:18
This ignorance of their minds and darkening of their understanding resulted in a terrible way of living one’s life:
“Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.”    Eph. 4:19
All of it is “due to the hardening of their hearts.”
The heart affects the thinking, which in turn determines the way we live our lives. 
Let me connect the dots for you on this one.
If we are going to insist that someone lives a life worthy of the calling received as children of God, then we need to realize that right behavior is a very long process that originates way back in the hearts of people who live that way.
Everything about us begins in the heart.  This is why Proverbs calls it “the wellspring of life”, where the issues of life flow out affecting the way we think and eventually the way we live our lives.
And so, to tell someone from the Gentile family to smarten up, try harder and live better, is not only unhelpful but will also bring about frustration and self-condemnation.
Look at what Paul says next:  “That, however, is not the way of life you learned when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus.” 
Eph. 4:20, 21
It’s not how you do it.  You don’t try harder.  You don’t become more disciplined.  This is not about you!
The way to change your life so as to reflect the family of God we now belong to, means being made new in our hearts and minds and then putting off the old self while putting on the new self:
“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”    Eph. 4:22-24
This talks about where second birth happens.  It doesn’t happen in your lifestyle choices, nor does it happen in your thinking, but it happens in your heart.
This is what renews your mind and allows you to put on the new self and thus making positive lifestyle choices.
An Education of the Heart
We are going to wrap it up in a moment, but before we do I need to unwrap vs. 20-24 in terms of understanding the process that happens in your heart which can only be called the education of the heart.
First of all, take a look at vs. 20-21: “You however did not come to know Christ that way. Surely you heard of him and were taught in him according to the truth that is in Jesus”
This almost sounds like an education.  In fact, look at it through the lens of a spiritual education.
 

• “to know Christ”  is literally “to learn Messiah”; almost as though that is the course you are taking:  Jesus 101
• “you heard of him” is literally “you heard him” as though Jesus is the teacher.   Jesus teaching on how to know Jesus.
• “were taught in him” which refers to the environment or the place where the learning takes place.   Jesus is the environment and also the teacher and the subject.

That’s the schooling that happens in our heart.   When we open your hearts up to Him, He comes in with his portable school and gives us an education of a lifetime. 
He literally enlightens us by providing us with an education of the heart!
That education of the heart changes the way we think about things, and eventually the way we live our lives, which is the point he makes in vs. 22-24.
“You were taught with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, to be made new in the attitude of your minds and to put on the new self”
When Jesus changes our hearts we will know how to put off the old self with it’s Gentile behaviors, we will know how to renew the attitudes and thinking of our minds and we will know how to put on the new self with its behaviors worthy of the calling we received as a child of God.
Every time we open your hearts to Jesus, He continues on the education of our hearts.  
This is not something that happened only once, the first time we opened our hearts to Him, nor at our second birth, but a continual opening of the heart toward Jesus.
This is how Jesus continues His educational work of renewing our minds, which will allow us, walk worthy of the calling we have received and the one whose name we now bear!